haven't been on this in quit some time. busy as a worker bee but same routine. today I went to pick my mother up from the hospital - went well. she is home. weird feeling. I went to get an eye exam and pick out new glasses hooray! they should be coming on the 6th. I'm not so sure as to what I'm doing later. as in, I was supposed to have plans with him. but last time didn't go so well. and yesterday was a bust. not my fault. i don't know if it's me or if it's them anymore. I can't tell with the opposite sex. when is enough? when am I wrong? when to accept the apology? how many tries does one give it someone whom you actually do care for? is it being lightly walked all over or is it being trampled over? I don't know how to work my brain or how to communicate my actual sincerity. all things I am once again working on. but how much do I have to work to figure out myself when I feel like no one else is true to themselves. it's an awkward situation people and words and relationships. it's all just one big chaotic mess and we're that one little bug who hopes to just simply - l i v e.
I feel bad for people who have that caution tape over their common sense. no matter how hard one tries to remove the tape or pry it off/out of them the only person who can do that is them. it's sad when you lose a friend. but was it really worth even being sad at all? keep the past in the past. it's there for a reason. unless a series of unfortunate events have happened out of anyone's power. oh well can't save the world!
this weekend was rather wonderful. I went to brooklyn with sabrina. I came in on saturday and left sunday. sabrina and I went to dans birthday gathering and saw some unintentional familiar faces. outcome - closure. hooray! sunday afternoon we decided to trek down to coney island. I was forced to ride the wonder wheel. AND forced to go on the swinging cart. took delightful pictures. discovered a roller-rink with the decor of pink, cupcakes, unicorns, and things my eyeballs supported. tryin' to skate a bit. [one day I'll learn] got caught in a rain storm which turned into the sun and beautiful lighting. I really don't think I can relate to someone and read someone as well as I can with her. it's sickening how I feel this way. why do I over think? who knows. maybe it's good I started to read my psychology book at the park yesterday and ran into a muchso missed face.
I'm content and folding paper and watching the tube on a lazy tuesday. not a bad day. at least, I hope it doesn't turn into the same disappointment of yesterday.