rainstorm thunderstorm lightning sparking beside the window, all while I have the house to myself. accompanied by my cats to lend a paw when I forget the time or someone to snuggle with. getting lost and wandering around donald draper and the maddest men of manhattan. secretly accepting my girl crush for the enchanting christina hendricks. mediocre type of day filled with school work and video editing for a fingers crossed project that shall exempt me from a final exam. wanting to start myself a bath. light a few candles. pour soap bubbles as high as a mountain. dreading the same work repetition. thinking about the lecture in class today. thinking of what my professor said to another student "if you plan on getting married, are you willing to give up your old family, & now to make this your family" reading Freud's, civilization and its discontents. the discontent of what keeps a man around after a child is born. animals don't get married. is there more than the purpose to procreate. marriage shall bind you to a stranger. never will know that person, even though the thought of being with someone for decades sounds ever so nice as it rolls off the tongue. is it just bragging rights? something society has organized so all doesn't turn to complete chaos amongst the fellow man. human nature scares me. can one really be with a partner for the rest of your existence? is it our age and our liberalist outlook that has ruined the marriage manifesto? or was it always ruined since day one? "self-transcendance" as Maslow says. tonights the kind of night where I am indifferent.