today was great. I went to cate's familys bbq for the 4th of july. happy birthday usa. meeting other families are so bizarre I feel like I'm always doing a bad job but I love talking to parents. idk nora's really good at it. my mind has been in a fog but talking about it helps. even blogging. oh last night was the traditional fireworks in redbank. it was packed. went to ryan's to pregame then take the overly congested train. i miss him. i have been listening to the used. and senses fail. i've been listening to the things i used to when i was once the happiest yunno carefree no bills no drama only on what to do that weekend no real responsibility. gosh, I miss those days. things just get harder and harder with the more you learn. i've missed cait so much. i'm so happy she found love. i cannot be bitter ever towards someone who truly deserves everything they get. i mean i hope one day i'll meet my match. i don't think so. marriage scares the fuck outta me. i need to pay my phone bill. and my ticket. i want to buy new flats. and i need to get more night gowns. shit I left the one i bought at target in her automobile! i should paint my nails. i should start to work out. i feel like i need to stop trying so hard to working myself out mentally that maybe physically would do me way more good. i miss my old bestfriend. why do i give a fugggggggggggg. i'm trying to get into existentialism - What is not implied in this account of existential freedom, however, is that one's values are immutable; a consideration of one's values may cause one to reconsider and change them. A consequence of this fact is that one is not only responsible for one's actions, but also for the values one holds. This entails that a reference to common values doesn't excuse the individual's actions: Even though these are the values of the society the individual is part of, they are also his own in the sense that s/he could choose them to be different at any time. Thus, the focus on freedom in existentialism is related to the limits of the responsibility one bears as a result of one's freedom: the relationship between freedom and responsibility is one of interdependency, and a clarification of freedom also clarifies what one is responsible for.

thank you cate and silvana for being such wonderful people. but fuck you mosquitos my flesh has been officially chomped at by these little tricky buggers. ugh. my mind. is a mess. i can't sleep. it's 2:55 in the am. I'm watching the daisy of love. I'm off til wednesday. i hate that. i hate how i'm feeling right now. i just want a beer..........