make it.

10:42pm on a friday night I have ace ventura on mute listening to drake who was jimmy on degrassi? who would have even guessed? wild! I have a headache. I have so much going on in my brains. my job. my mom. I can't handle this stress anymore. I'm contemplating on moving in with my father. It's too surreal right now to even get into any farther. hate the fact I make shit for money. If it weren't for bad luck, I wouldn't have any whatsoever. fuck luck. feeling personally disrespected by my boss for not following through with her words. got 4 tickets this weekend. I have no money. no clue as to how I'm supposed to pay these things off. of course they're all for doing favors for other people. cause my karma hates me. don't know if this shit going on in my life is just more shit to make me who i am and learn every lesson I possible can at an early age and become a strong self-reliant independent female or is there some secret I'm not willing to admit about myself or my so called "life".

I wish time would slow down. actually be able to enjoy the time I spend with people without having to worry about what happens next. it'd be so much easier on the mind. and I think people would be more appreciative of the little things in life. I need to appreciate the simple more. stop and smell those damm leaves. bring on the stimulation. happy stimulation that is. my friends are really amazing for fulfilling that and I'm so thankful for them. I hope to one day find my almost perfect male specimen, but til then - COME WHAT MAY. I may have found something but once again, I'm struck with the bad luck stick. distancedistancedistance. and me overcoming my fear of tearing my wall down a little and showing my not to ice queen exterior, most hardest ever.

I want my life to began. not always having to worry about someone else's. maybe put myself first for once. because at this point, life is getting a little ridiculous and over bearing. I have so many goals and things I want to accomplish in my lifetime I just wish I had a fast forward button to skip the bullshit and get me to where I am satisfied with my self induced find of happiness. so let's start putting the pieces to the puzzle together apposed to throwing it in the corner for another day. which is what I've been finding myself doing. no more avoidance/laziness. I need to make some sort of an impact in my own existence. if not for someone else, at least for myself.

I like having a blog. it is a great source to vent too with no talking back.

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make or break it.